Were you ever given a label? A nickname or a diagnosis? A box to fit in?
So many people detest the idea of labels, “people just are!” And do you know what? I get that, it must be difficult having people see you for the great neon sign above your head and not who you are as a person. The you that wakes up groggy on a Sunday morning, the way you drink your coffee and the kinds of shit on TV that keeps you sane. Your favourite colour, your most loved animal, your favourite pair of jeans.
But what are labels if not just words? I understand where you are coming from when you say you don’t want that.
But do you see me?
I had nicknames and labels and things I got called.
But I didn’t have a diagnosis.
And they kept trying to medicate me for the person I was, and the symptoms I had, and they just, couldn’t, get it, right.
They threw pill after pill in the vague direction of the target that was me and missed, every single time.
Plink.
Plink.
Plink. …
And one day I got fed up with not being told what was wrong with me, because there was something wrong with me, and I got obstinate and I asked the shit questions and pushed for a response a little more succinct than the usual bullshit.
And for once they listened, and they talked to me like I was a human being needing answers, not just another statistic to medicate and make quiet. So I got my answers and I got my labels.
MY labels.
And the great neon sign that you hate so much, I carry with pride, because people will give you labels whether you want them to or not, so it may as well be the right ones.
And for the first time in my life, I was not stupid, I was not thick and thoughtless, and I was not the one who didn’t try very hard.
I was the one with ADHD. Who actually tried very, fucking hard, and was far from stupid and far from thick, and if you thought that I didn’t take the time to think… well, it may not be about what they wanted me to, but all I did was think.
Christine Sîan, 11th January 2019…
Diagnosed with ADHD, CPTSD, EIPD in 2016. It is far from easy, but every day, I have reasons to be proud. Xx